Scratch That

For those of you who have been with me a while,

I'm terribly sorry to do this to you again. I'm changing domains. I'll still leave this up, but this will tentatively be my last post here. I've been blogging a while on Wordpress, and I like the interface so much better.

So from now on, find me at:

www.insomniaandidiocracy.wordpress.com

Sorry for the confusion, I think it will be better in the long run. Also, for those of you using Blogger, I'd encourage you to check out Wordpress. I think you'll like it.

P.S. I'll still be blogging daily for the next month.

Sleep Free

I had every intention of going to bed early tonight, but alas... here it is 4:45 in the morning, and I have yet to sleep. The kicker is that I'm supposed to be at work at 6am.

I've decided that for the next month I'll be writing here on "Insomnia" once a day. The goal is to at least do something with some degree of consistency. Many of you who know me will scoff at this, but I'm very serious. Between now and May 23, expect one post a day, assuming that I have access to the internet every day for a month.

Ben Folds is tonight. Celebrate. I will.

Waffles! We must all have waffles forthwith.

It's 3:10 in the morning.

I'm very tired.

I don't want to sleep.

I don't know why.

How many digits of pi do you know?

Vince and Ben's: How to be Cool in 10 Easy Steps

How to be Cool in 10 Easy Steps:

Step 1: Buy a cell phone.
Cell phones are the cool guy's necessity. This isn't just so your mom can feel reassured that you can contact her in case of an emergency. You must 'cell phone up', if you will, to attract the biggest fish in your pond.

Step 2: Wear designer jeans.
Only designer jeans can fully tell the fish in your pond what degree of cool you really are. Generally faded or perfectly shaped rips and holes not only say; "Hey, I'm cool, check me out." but also show your willing to put out any cool vibe.

Step 3: Be employed, but don't act like it.
It's not having a job that makes you cool, it's the income it brings. Nobody likes a working stiff, but nobody likes the homeless guy on the corner either. You have to find the happy (cool) medium between work and play. Don't flaunt your wealth... but don't hide it either. First you get the job, then you get the khakis, then you get the girls.

Step 4: It's not the music you have, but how you listen to it.
People quickly forget what kind of ride you have by the beats thumping from your whip. Try sitting on the hood of your vehicle and look as if you were in deep thought, all the while, keeping a slight and oh so subtle head bob to the beat of the tune. A box of 3 isolated 15" subwoofers will undoubtedly help. Open your hatchback for the full effect.

Step 5: T-shirts.
Nothing ups the cool factor of your wardrobe more than a nice selection of hip t's. Put it this way, if your 7 shirts are each assigned days of the week, you need to expand your t-shirt horizons. Besides, you can't sport your new designer jeans without properly taking care of the upper-body. Not too loose, not too tight, mix up the colors 'til you've got it just right.

Step 6: Hair.
From tight locks, dreadlocks, to corn rows in flocks... Any hairstyle can be cool if done right... or, not done right. Not caring is cool.(see step 9) Not caring about your hair is even cooler. Wake up in the morning and greet each new day with a pat on the head. Now stop. That's all the styling you need to do. Let your hair have its own personality, now that's cool. No one should ever tell your hair how to live its life. Not even you.

Step 7: Pretend you like people.
Nobody cares if you REALLY like them, they just want to feel like you do. So, put on that happy face and go tell the world how much they mean to you... even if you despise them. Pretending to be friendly with people who are far beneath you is one of the cultured arts of cool guys around the globe. Be nice to the ugly chick, her hot friends will see it and think you're the cat's pajamas. In all actuality, pretending is what being cool is all about. Fake it 'til you make it my friend.

**DISCLAIMER**
Never forget that you are PRETENDING! The danger here is actually convincing yourself that you like these people. And there's nothing less cool than falling for the ugly chick. We've all seen how disastrous that can be.

Step 8: Bling.
Nothing is cooler than wearing your favorite T-shirt and draping a nice piece of metal around your neck. Make sure the metal is polished and very shiny. This added effect keeps girls mesmerized while you're temporarily allowed to stare at other things besides their face. Generally, a yellow canary Jesus Piece will not only show that you have style, but show that you have "wow", too much class to pass. Diamonds are a girl's best friend and being iced out of control is a good thing. Make sure that your neck, wrist, and/or fingers are as cool as the other side of the pillow.

Step 9: Stop caring.
Remember that guy back in High School? The one with the letter jacket? He was cool. Wanna know why? It's because he didn't care about the letter jacket. Didn't know that, did you?

See, you need the cell phones, and the jobs, and the jeans, and the hair, and the t-shirts, and the music, and the girls, and the bling. But the trick is not caring about it once you have it. Drop your cell phone on the ground. Go ahead, do it. Wear your jeans three times in a row without washing them. Skip work for no other reason than to sleep in. Cool guys need their sleep. Buy the provocative t-shirt. Sure, you may offend some people but you don't care, remember? Download the unedited version of that rap song all the high school kids are getting pregnant to. Don't call that girl back... at least, not yet.

And here's the tricky part: Don't care if anyone else thinks you're cool. You're only pretending to like them anyways.

Step 10: Stunt it.
If one thing above all things makes you cool, it's stuntin'. Life's short. Stunt it. Do something crazy that no one else will dare to do. After all, when you're old and gray, no one will remember what you wore or who you dated, they will only remember what you did. Pee in a public fountain at the mall... stunt it. Do a 180 foot grab off the library steps... stunt it. Kiss the cute and shy blonde haired girl in the corner, flip off the crowd when you're done, and take a hit of Rockstar... stunt it. When all is said and done, the stunts you pull are what will make you a legend. If this guide knows one thing for sure about being cool... It's that legends are cool. Stunts = Legends = COOL. You want to be a cool guy? 'Plan-B' your rival, burn down his car, and take a drag till the Man comes with the fuzz. Not caring and doing what you want is what's cool. No one ever tells you how to live your life, so live by your own rules, and sometimes, not even those.

blog: n

Stumbled across this definition on urbandictionary.com:

blog: n A recent and disturbing trend on the internet. A blog lets people easily post comments onto a webpage. While blogs have many purposes, some of which can be useful, most people seem to use blogs as a way of having an online diary. These people have such massive egos and are so narcissistic that they believe that other people would be interested in reading their pointless ramblings. Even more disturbing is the fact that many people have such boring lives that they have nothing better to do than to read these stupid online diaries. They just feed the egos of the "bloggers" and encourage them to continue posting nonsense. Hopefully, "blogging" will turn out to be just a fad that passes quickly. tim: Hey i just set up a blog on my website. joe: What have you written in it? tim: Oh just some random drivel. joe: Sounds like the typical blog. tim: Yeah, but plenty of people will still read it, and that will make me feel special. joe: That's sad. tim: I know.

It's funny 'cause it's true.

And you thought your dreams were weird

If anyone can interpret this dream for me, let me know.

The dream went something like this:

I was at a LimpBizkit concert (don't ask me why). I was there with my girlfriend, Carly, and my good friend Vince.

I was enjoying a tasty hot dog.


Fred Durst was quite upset that I was eating during his "performance", and he pointed at me and yelled "No Lunch!".

I defiantly took another bite of my hot dog, and taunted him with the ol' "highway salute".

Things took a turn for the worst when Fred Durst rushed me from the stage. As we were fighting, I noticed that my girlfriend had left me to run off with a rather portly Mexican fellow, and my friend Vince was finishing off my hot dog and enjoying the show.

So there I was: getting beat up by Fred Durst, losing my girlfriend to a Mexican LimpBizkit fan, and losing my hot dog to my friend, Vince.

I've had better dreams.

This Just In: Ben's a Smart Ass

My Business Law class got a little rowdy today.

We're now in the third week of class, but today a fellow classmate, we'll call him Francis, decided to show up for the first time. And, apparently Francis doesn't get enough attention at home, so he feels the need to look for it at school. It must have taken him a few weeks to come to that realization.

During class, we were talking about Business Ethics, and Francis was very vocal (and very loud) about his feelings on the matter. In a nutshell, Francis feels that the only way to get ahead in Business is to be unethical. He further claims that when confronted with an unethical decision that would result in monetary gain, everyone would do it. Supporting his argument, Francis waves his arms about and states "C'mon.... I mean.... C'mon, everyone does it. Look around. I mean... C'mon."

Well said Francis.

I disagreed with this assertion, and felt something needed to be said. Basically, I pointed out that just because it may be possible to make money by being unethical, it doesn't mean that it's a requirement. I also made the point that the claim that "everyone does it" just simply isn't true.

Francis didn't like this too much. He pointed to me and said "You do it... you know you do. My dad owns a car lot, you think he's honest all the time?"

I asked Francis not to confuse me with himself, or his father. I also asked my newfound friend to remind me never to go into business with him... or his father.

We continued our friendly conversation throughout the rest of the class, which was interesting, considering we were sitting on different sides of the room. The teacher cut us off right about the time that Francis told me I was a 'smart ass'. I have to admit, this made me laugh a little bit.

Thanks homeslice, I already knew that.

On the upside, my neighbor leaned over and told me that he would shop at my store any day over Francis'.

In all seriousness though, is this what the world has come to? I don't think so, at least, I hope not. I believe that the Lord still rewards good actions. I believe that an ethical businessman is still at an advantage over an unethical one, and I believe that making money can be done honestly. Am I wrong? Even if i am... even if you can't make any money by being an ethical and honest person... so what?

My neighbor, who will be shopping at my store by the way, shared this scripture: Mark 8:36 -

"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"

I like the way Mark puts it better.









SHAMELESS PLUG
**By the way... please visit Vinyl Draft, a new blog brought to you by myself and BFF Kyle. (But don't call it a blog, Kyle hates that word.)**

New Blog

My boy Kyle and I have started a blog together:

Vinyl Draft

We'll each be posting at least once a week. I'll keep Insomnia and Idiocracy up just in case there's some personal stuff I want to post from time to time, but the majority of my rantings will go on Vinyl Draft. Check it out.....

Please and thank you.

OMG! YOU'RE BACK!

Yeah, yeah... whatever... watch this.



They're Flight of the Conchords. They're funny. I like them. This is my report.